What is My Purpose? Being a Driver, Blogger, Entrepreneur

It was only meant to be 6 months; 6 months in I would be fine. I would have saved enough money, got my shit together and move on because I already had something going for me. Working let alone getting a job wasn’t even in the cards for me! 6 months in I have been involved in two minor car accidents, fallen for a man, hospitalised for exhaustion, had people use me and insult me. This was not part of the plan, but by the time I decided to get a job, I had hit a pretty hard low that the real plan to work for just 6 months, wasn’t even relevant anymore. I remember when I started the job, I told myself no one ever needs to know who I am; but somehow they found out.  6 months in became a whole different story…”

Being A Driver

I seem to always have had a sketched plan for my life (or at least an idea of who I wanted to be in my head), from a young age I knew I was different but I was always told to be someone or something else. I could go on and talk about cultural values for the African girl in our community setup, but I am sure most of you already know that part of the story. But I am not gonna lie and not say that I thought being a good girl will get me far in life; but sometimes that doesn’t even work. But being a strong girl, being a strong girl will get you somewhere in life. I have been a Driver for the past year but not only that but I am a well accomplished Fashion Blogger, Influencer and Entrepreneur who was drowning in debt and misery in an economy that only seems to continue to depreciate and may ultimately lose hope. I am sharing this story because for the longest time this year I have been wanting to say something to my followers and readers, but I just did not have the courage too! I didn’t want to disappoint anyone with a sad sob story or tell my clients “hey, I have a job now; catch ya later!”. I didn’t feel the need to explain myself to anyone because I was soo damn good at what I did and the people that I helped! So instead I revamped the blog into a website and acted like well I was taking this amazing break; when in fact I couldn’t keep anything together! I think during that phase I snapped at a considerable number of people and shut out the whole world (literally). I cried because I couldn’t keep up, I cried because everyone made fun of me and I cried because I lost soo much weight due to the lifestyle change. And I cried even more because I could not create what I wanted.

I had the first car accident in February and the second one just recently in August. I could not even begin to explain to you just how pain strikingly shocking and traumatising a car accident is, whether it’s minor or major. The force and bang of metal colliding is the most horrific thing your ears can bear! Your heart stops for a minute and the whole world feels dizzy, shaky and confusing for a split second; that’s all it takes. I asked God in both circumstances what does he want me to do? Where does he want me to go? Am I not a good woman? Yes, I asked him, even when I shouldn’t have I asked.

Blogging and Life

Besides the blogging, social media and recognition; there is soo much of “life” that needs to go on. I don’t think anyone ever discusses it or dives into it on social media because some of our blogs are businesses; and you can’t mix business with your problems. But every once in a while reality does hit and it reminds you you are human, and it reminds you to face these problems head on and not avoid them or brush them off or tuck them under the rug. Literally speaking you need to face them! And you cannot compare your life to the next person nor can you wish to have what they have, because that is just setting yourself up for failure. If it’s one thing the job has taught me, it has taught me to be strong. It has taught me that as much as I have helped soo many people, I need to put myself first, I need to deal with me; with Tendai. It has actually taught me that there is much more to life than being online; trust me the best moments in life are not even on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or even Snapchat. They are those moments that people do not even share and I tell you this because I have seen it! Whilst this post is long, I have an overwhelming joy that I have finally shared and opened up. And I know someone out there will benefit from this, especially a young woman like me who always seemed to have a plan – being a Driver wasn’t my plan, it was God’s.

Love,

Tendai